"Freakonomics" by Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner

My professors always told me to be weary of numbers. Statistics are to easy to manipulate to tell people exactly what you want by convent leaving out other information. People look at the numbers and take them to be true as it is much harder to notice that facts rather than facts not adding up correctly. This was a unique experience with numbers for me because it was not just statistics it was economics. It looked at every possible thing that could be used to finding the answer, and then put it together to help understand what was going on. Dubner and Levitt paid close attention to explaining the difference between correlations, cause and effect, and other ways that numbers can be interpreted and more importantly, misinterpreted. It was a fascinating read.

Levitt attempts to break down people and society into numbers. These numbers help us to understand why they may make a certain decision or act a certain way. These numbers though are much more elaborate than statics. The conclusions that were drawn came from algorithms that incorporated numerous variables (often times more variables than I can care to imagine). 

Holding true to the claim in the introduction, there was no universal theme to the book. I posted the table of contents below just for my own memory, so I can easily recall what each section discussed.

Table of Contents

Introduction: The Hidden Side of Everything

In which the book’s central idea is set forth: namely, if morality represents how people would like the world to work, then economics shows how it actually does work.

Why the conventional wisdom is so often wrong… How “experts”-from criminologists to real-estate agents to political scientists- bend the facts… Why knowing what to measure, and how to measure it, is they key to understanding modern life… What is “freakonomics,” anyway?

1.        What do Schoolteachers and Sumo Wrestlers Have in Common?

In which we explore the beauty of incentives, as well as their dark side- cheating.

        Who cheats? Just about everyone… How cheaters cheat and how to catch them… Stories from an Israeli day –care center… the sudden disappearance of seven million American children… Cheating schoolteachers in Chicago… Why cheating to lose is worse than cheating to win… Could sumo wrestling, the national sport of Japan, be corrupt?... What the Bagel Man saw: mankind may be more honest than we think.

2.      How is the Ku Klux Klan Like a Group of Real- Estate Agents?

In which it is argued that nothing is more powerful than information especially when its power is abused.

        Going undercover in the Ku Klux Klan… Why experts of every kind are in the perfect position to exploit you… The antidote to information abuse: the Internet… Why a new car is suddenly worth so much less than moment it leaves the lot… Breaking the real-estate agent code: what “well maintained” really means… Is Trett Lott more racist than the average Weakest Link contestant?... What do online daters lie about?

3.        Why Do Drug Dealers Still Live with Their Moms?

In which the conventional wisdom is often found to be a web of fabrication, self- interest, and convince.

Why experts routinely make up statistics; the invention of chronic halitosis… How to ask a good question… Sudir Venkatesh’s long, strange trip into the crack den… Life is a tournament… Why prostitutes earn more than architects… What a drug dealer, a high- school quarterback, and an editorial assistant have in common… How the invention of crack cocaine mirrored the invention of nylon stocking… Why crack is the work thing to hit black Americans since Jim Crow?

4.    .  Where Have All the Criminals Gone?

In which the facts of crime are sorted out from the fictions.

        What Nicolate Ceausescu learned- the hard way- about abortion… Why the 1960s were a great time to be a criminal… Think that roaring 1990s economy put a crimp on crime? Think again… Why capital punishment doesn’t deter criminals… Do police actually lower crime rates? … Prisons, prisons every… Seeing through the New York City police “miracle”… What is a gun, really?... Why early crack dealers were like Microsoft millionaires and later crack dealers were like Pets.com… The super predator versus the senior citizen… Jane Roe, crime stopper: how the legislation of abortion changed everything.

5.       What Makes a Perfect Parent?

In which we ask, from a variety of angles, a pressing question: do parents really matter?

        The conversion of parenting from an art to a science… Why parenting experts like to scare parents to death… Which is more dangerous: a gun or a swimming pool?... The economics of fear… Obsessive parents and the nature –nurture quagmire… Why a good school isn’t as good as you might think… the black-white test gap and “acting white”… Eight things that make a child do better in school and eight that don’t.

6.      Perfect Parenting, Part II; or: Would a Roshanda by Any Other Name Smell as Sweet?

In which we weigh the importance of a parent’s first official act—naming the baby.

        A boy name Winner and his brother, Loser… The blackest names and the whitest names… The segregation of culture: why Seinfeld never made the top fifty among black viewers… If you have a really bad name, should you just change it?... High-end names and low-end names (and how one become the other)… Britney Spears: a symptom, not a cause… Is Aviva the next Madison?... Why your parents were telling the world when they gave you your name.

Epilogue: Two Paths to Harvard

In which the dependability of data meets the randomness of life.

"Brave New World" by Aldous Huxley

This book had a very interesting philosophical look at humanity and how “conditioning” or socialization make that people think that some things are acceptable and that some things are not. It was an interesting concept to consider, in itself. The characters were so extreme that to argue that one persons conditioning was right and another was wrong would be impossible, but to bring to light conditioning in general it was absolutely brilliant. 

The argument of the book, I believe, was to bring to light that people’s conditioning (due to elements of socialization and society) determine how a persons beliefs, and what a society will act on as true. 

The book brings to light several philosophical arguments that need to be considered, such as: what is best for the average person, was is best for small groups of people, what is needed to maintain a civilized society, what is considered to be a civilized society, can happiness only be achieved through despair, what is happiness, what is loneliness and being alone, is natural conditioning a abandonment of freedom, what is freedom, and many other questions that could be discussed (and have been discussed) forever. 

Aside from the brilliant philosophical quandaries that Huxley brings to light his writing style was absolutely fantastic. I have to admit when I began the book I found it to be a bit dense, simply because he jumped in with no reference points and used works that I could only later infer the meaning from continued reading. It’s a common writing technique now, but I found it to be a bit confusing that most. However, by the time I reached chapter three I was in amazed at how well written and how well thought out each of the phrases were. There were many different conversations, thoughts, and recordings all happening at once. You were forced to bounce through Bernard’s thoughts about Foster, Foster’s conversation regarding Lenina, Lenina’s conversation about Bernard , the Hypno-sleep-therapy recoding that the children were listing to and the Director’s discussion of conditioning process. Not only were we forced to read all of these conversations at the same time, but we were able to view them side by side. Huxley brilliantly had each sentence point out the humor, irony, or philosophical quandary in the last. Brilliant, absolutely brilliant. 

If I am suppose to write a critique about this book this would be the only thing. I wished would have happened is that John (aka the Savage) would have been able to understand what happened, and then reject it fully. At the very end of the book the Controller tells the story of how he was forced to make a decision and choose civilized society (much of which was prohibited, old, artistic, and of advanced science). When the controller does this he speaks from experience and his own wisdom. It almost gives more credibility and argument to Control and the civilized society and nothing to the savage because he does not understand. When this happened I felt less for the savage and began to think that the Controller was right (in the instance of the book of course) and the Savage was indeed just an insane man that eventually becomes the special in the lighthouse. With that being said that only applies to if Huxley wanted to bring to light the philosophical points more on both side. If not then it was written perfectly. The only reason I think that I picked this point to change is because I think there is still some unclear-ness in my mind of who exactly is the antagonist and who is the protagonist.

"Stumbling on Happiness"by Daniel Gilbert

Daniel Gilbert discusses how people are the only animal that can made predictions about the future in terms of their wants and emotions. He points out in the beginning of the book that this is different from animals that may prepare for the future (like squired gathering nuts for the winter) as they prepare out of instinct not because they understand the necessity and why they are gathering for the future (Prospection).

The first thing that Gilbert argues is that happiness is subjective. There is no single definition that could allow certain people to be happier than others because of objective rules. He draws attention to Lori and Reba. They are conjoined twins that are joined at the forehead. They are very happy with the lives they lead. He simply points out that most people look at the twins and may make a mental note of how can these two people be happy as conjoined twins, but the fact of the matter is that we are not conjoined twins. We have yet to have that experience. So how can anyone but them know how truly happy they are. Maybe happiness for them is something beyond we can understand. Likewise, they do not know what is means to live as a “singleton.” Happiness for us is different. (Subjectivity)

People also have the ability to predict their emotions. The book mainly discusses this. The human mind and our ability to project our emotions both in future scenarios and past scenarios. It turns out that our imagination allows us to do this quite frequently, and it is remarkably inaccurate. When predicting future emotions they are jumbled with feelings of the present and without fully understating something that Gilbert refers to as the psychological immune system. This immune system allows you to go through especially emotionally trying ordeals (such as the death of a loved one) with most of us avoiding a complete nervous breakdown, or clinical depression. This part on rationalization was incredibly interesting. This is when Gilbert presents the idea of his psychological immune system.  This immune system allows for people to rationalize their (seemingly) negative experiences into positive ones. “if we cannot change our experience, then we change our view of the experience” (pg201)(Rationalization).  Also, current emotions will also affect our emotional projections. He gives the example of hunger (and yes I know that hunger is not an emotion; but just get the analogy part of it). If you are full and then someone asks you whether or not you will enjoy some potato chips tomorrow, your current feeling is going to dictate how you are going to answer that question. It is why be buy too much food at the grocery store when we are hungry and not enough when we are full. It is also why we may say no to a dinner party that we would normally love to be at, but happened to respond to the RSVP when you were in a sour mood (Presentism). 

The final thing that Gilbert discusses is how people cope with the knowledge of their emotions of the past. The answer is people try to avoid the thing that cause them pain, and repeat the things that cause them pleasure. The only problem with that is our memories are selective. Our brains do not store all of the information that is presented before them. It merely stores fragments and then when the information is recalled it brings up the fragmented memory and then fabricates the rest as best it can. The part that the brain chooses to select as a memory is the most important part of the events that have occurred. The brain tends to store fragments that are more unusual than usual. Then is a big problem with people need to recall information on the average. For example the statement “I always pick the slowest lane at the grocery store” may be on everyone’s lips when they are in the slowest line, however this (for most people) is not the case. Most people do not always pick the slowest line. They can simply only recall the slowest line because they have remarked on it before and the brain has stored it because it is actually an unusual circumstance. With that being said, people still make decision based on their memories of past emotions. However, if a person can only remember negative past emotions for a certain thing, but has experienced several more neutral emotions, the person is still more likely to make a judgment based on the negative emotions (because those are the ones that  he can recall). (Corrigibility)

He does offer a solution for this problem. Use others experiences to project how you will feel about something. By asking others how they feel currently (as they have just had the experience) you can actually more accurately predict how your emotions are going to be once you go through the same experience. Gilbert also reminds us that most people will not do this as people tend to individualize themselves, and want so badly to think of themselves as unique that they won’t project their own emotions by asking others. (Corrigibility)

Review:

This was a very frustrating book to read.  I picked up this book off of a friends recommendation. It sounded interesting. He described it as understanding how the brain processes emotions, particularly being happy. Well, he was right. In essence that is what the book discussed. When I started the book, it was a joy to read. Gilbert’s humor made the subject matter very easy to understand. But here is where I think I had a problem with the book. 

Gilbert would outline each of the arguments with a analogy, filled in with studies to support his theory, then close out each topic nicely with a conclusion of his argument. But the stories didn’t follow exactly what he was trying to say, then the studies didn’t make sense to me and then he would close it out (very nicely, might I add) with a grand conclusion that you could not help but agree with because intuitively it seemed to make sense. So basically as I was reading, I would read his premises, and some made sense and some did not, I would then argue with the book the entire time I was reading it, and keep reading because I was hoping that he was going somewhere with it, and sure enough, every time his conclusions made perfect sense. Frustrating as hell, I can guarantee it! There would even be portions in the book where he would make a statement like “if you as most people this they are going to say x not y,” I then turn to my sister (or whomever happened to be sitting next to me) and ask them the question and low and behold they said “y”. Frustrating premises like this made me want to chuck the book. But I waited it out and sure enough I like the conclusions that he pulled.

"How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie

Part 1: Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

Principle 1

People have an image of themselves and they do not like to have that image critiqued. If you do critique someone’s image it often does not result in change on the other person part. It will result in resentment and hostility against you. Many times people’s pride will be hurt and the point will be lost. If you want a person to change something about himself, try and reinforce the good things instead of pointing out the bad. 

“Let’s realize that the person we are going to correct and condemn will probably justify himself or herself, and condemn us in return.” Pg.8

Do not criticize, condemn or complain.

Principle 2

Appreciation is better than flattery. Appreciation is honest and encourages people to work harder and complete their job better. Flattery is fake. It is not genuine and if a person is caught giving empty flattery this, most often than not, will do more damage than good. 

Give honest and sincere appreciation.

Principle 3

There is one known fact about people. They are eternally interested in themselves, and every action tat they complete they do because they want to. Use this knowledge to your advantage when you go to ask someone for something. First person the ideas of how it will affect them. Then get your want/need across. You will have a better chance of getting what you want and making it mutually beneficial without the other person “shutting down” before your point is made. 

Arouse the other person an eager want.

Part 2: Six Ways to Make People Like You

Principle 1

People are very interested in themselves. Knowing and understanding this can help you when you have to deal with other people. Having a genuine interest in people allows you to converse with others and allow them to express themselves to you. When a person is able to talk about themselves with someone, and it seems that the person has taken an interest in them, they will develop a liking toward you. This is not a game though. This is not an exercise where you pretend, and as someone else “rambles.” By taking a genuine interest in people you will gain knowledge about a person as you learn about their past and present, likes and dislikes. 

“It is the individual who is not interest in has fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring.” Pg.53

Become genuinely interested in other people.

Principle 2

A smile is one of the best ways to make a great first impression. Just by smiling you make the other person feel that they are glad to be in your presence. They allow for people to become individualized and feel special if you smile.

The Value of A Smile at Christmas

It costs nothing but creates much.

It enriches those who receive, without impoverishing those who give.

It happens in a flash and the memory of it sometimes lasts forever.

None are so rich they can get along without it, and none so poor but are richer for its benefits.

It creates happiness in the home, fosters good will in a business, and it the countersign of friends.

It is rest to the weary, daylight to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad, and Nature’s best antidote for trouble.

Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is no earthly good to anybody till it is given away.

And if in the last-minute rush of Christmas buying some of our salespeople should be too tired to give you a smile, may we ask you to leave one of yours?

For nobody needs a smile so much as those who have none left to give!

Pg.70

Smile

Principle 3

Remembering a person’s name makes them feel special and important. People take certain offense to people who do not remember their name or ask their name twice. To a single person there is no important word than their own name. Remembering their name and using it allows for people to build a connection and likeness toward you. 

Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. 

Principle 4

This works closely with principal one in this section. By having a genuine interest in people, this principle is a lot easier to execute. Simple listen to people, and encourage people to talk about themselves. When people talk about themselves you learn about them. This helps you ask the right kind of questions and allow for a lively conversation. Using this principle allows for you to become a good conversationalist. Information that they are telling you in you can follow up with questions or statements that are guaranteed to be of an interest to them. This also paves the way for future conversations. Take the information that you know about another person and expand upon it. Research and find more information about what interests them. This will definitely allow for you to utilize this conversation piece later. 

“Remember the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in your problems. A person’s toothache means more to that person than a famine in China which kills a million people. A boil on ones neck interests one more than forty earthquakes in Africa. Think of that the next time you start a conversation.” Pg. 88

Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. 

Principle 5

When you are dealing with other people, get to know what interests them as soon as you can (even if this can be done before you meet them). By finding out what interests them, and then taking an interest in it yourself. You will be able to captivate their attention and have great conversation. This kind of conversation also allows people to take a likening to you and your way of thinking. By taking in terms of what interests someone else you will be more likely be able to drive a point home and get them to understand and think like yourself. 

Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.

Principle 6

Everyone wants to feel important. By feeding into this they will genuinely begin to like you. Make genuine remarks about things they have accomplished or things they have owned and are proud of. By giving importance to them, you make them feel as if they are special, and important. People want to surround themselves with others that think they have value. 

Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.

Part 3: How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

Principle 1

Do not argue. This is a point that is also brought up in the 48 Laws of Power. Do not argue with someone. When you attempt to argue a point, or when you contradict someone, most of the time you will not get them to change their mind, you will only stir up anger, hostility, angst, and create an uncomfortable environment.  You will not get anyone to change their mind; actually most of the time people will only become more set in stone with their opinions that have already formed. 

Some suggestions on how to keep a disagreement from becoming an argument:

Welcome the disagreement.

Think about the point that is being brought to the present.  If you have not heard it before, consider it. Stop and think. This may be your chance to change your opinion or form one that includes this thought.

Distrust your first instinctive impression.

Often times we want to initially be defensive. Think if this reaction is the best way to handle the situation.

Control your temper.

Listen first. Listen to everything that your opponent would like to say. Do not interrupt or debate.

Look for areas of agreement.

Be honest. Apologize for your mistakes, errors, or misunderstandings.

Promise to think over your opponents’ ideas and study them carefully.  And actually do this.

Thank your opponents sincerely for their interest.

Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem. Suggest a new meeting time. This will give you and the other opponent some time to think about the situation in its entirety before you react.

“Here lies the body of William Jay,

Who died maintaining his right of way-

He was right, dead right, as he sped along,

But he’s just as dead as if he were wrong.” Pg 112

The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

Principle 2

Do not tell people that they are wrong; even if they are. They will defend themselves to the end, even if they know they are wrong. 

“you can tell people they are wrong by a look or an intonation or a gesture just as eloquently as you can in words- and if you tell them they are wrong, do you make them want to agree with you? Never! For you have struck a direct blow at their intelligence, judgment, pride and self respect. That will make then want to strike back. But it will never make them want to change their minds…. For you have hurt their feelings.” Pp116

Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”

Principle 3

By admitting that you are wrong you allow for others to see that you are taking into consideration all of the points at hand and that you are not unmovable. It is a very wise thing to be able to change your point of view and admit it (factors of principles 1 and 2).

Also, by admitting that you are wrong you then hold the cards. If you make as mistake and admit to it quickly then you avoid potential embarrassment of later being confronted. Also, more importantly when you admit that you are wrong and begin to show that you are taking what you did wrong to hear, people are less likely to lay into you. They will look at your side more sympathetically and be less likely to badger you on something that you are already beating yourself up for. Really not too many people are willing to kick a person when they are down. Lastly, a person that can admit that they are wrong shows a lot of integrity. This is more often noticed than not. 

If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

Principle 4

When confronting people that have opposing opinions as yours, be sure to confront them in a friendly manner. If you go for a hostile offensive attack, they are going to go for a hostile defensive attack. If you are coming from a friendly listening ear, they are going to speak with ease as if they are taking to a friend. More is accomplished as friends than as enemies.

This is best illustrated in the story of the wind and the sun:

They quarreled about which one was stronger, and the wind said, “I’ll prove I am. See the old man down there with a coat? I bet I can get his coat off home quicker than you can.”

So the sun went behind a cloud, and the wind blew until it was almost a tornado, but the harder it blew, the tighter the old man clutched his coat to him.

Finally, the wind calmed down and gave up, and then the sun came out from behind the clouds and smiled kindly on the old man. Presently he mopped his brow and pulled off his coat. The sun then told the wind that gentleness and friendless were always stronger than fury and force.  Pp 142

Begin in a friendly way.

Principle 5

When you are talking to a person that may have a different opinion that you get them to say yes to small, simple questions that they are sure to agree with; from there continue to build your point with questions that they agree with. By getting a person to say yes they are more likely to agree with you and see your point. Once a person says no they are much more likely to defend their position and not move. 

Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.

Principle 6

Let the other person talk. When they talk many times they are able to work out the problems themselves, or you will learn more intricate points of their case that can help you help them. Nothing comes from interrupting and assumptions. Not only will you not have all of the facts, but the other person will not be inclined to listen to you. Not from revenge, but because they are only thinking about the points that they never got to finish saying.

Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

Principle 7

This is a trickier principle. This principle relies on the idea that people need to feel like an idea is there’s and that they are not being forced into something. This can be accomplished in many ways. Have someone go in from a third party to insinuate to you opponent that there are different ways of thinking. Ask for the qualities that they are looking for first, and then tailor your idea to fit there’s. Thinking like another person does, and trying understand what other people want is a key complement to this principle. When you understand what they want it is easier to tell them that in actually they already came up with the idea; and you are just there to accent it. 

“No one likes to feel that he or she is being sold something or told to do a thing. We much prefer to feel that we are buying of our own accord or acting on our own ideas. We like to be consulted about our wishes, our wants, our thoughts.”pp156

Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.

Principle 8

This is one of the most important principles used in this book and it is repeated from time and time again. Try and understand what other people want. If you put yourself in their position you have a better chance of accomplishing your own goals too. People might not always say what they want to try and understand why people do the things they do, and say the things they say. Try and understand how their ideas were formed.  When you do this you will put yourself at a great advantage to accomplishing your own goals, and also helping others with their goals and wishes as well.

Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.

Principle 9

This is about the one thing that all people want to understand about them. That if you were in the exact same situation, you would do the same thing that they are doing, and feel the same way they are feeling. Approaching a discussion, argument or confrontation with this in mind can help put both people at ease and help accomplish much more. 

This is the “magic phrase” that everyone would like to hear:

‘I don’t blame you one iota for feeling as you do. If I were you I would undoubtedly feel just as you do.’

Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.

Principle 10

There are two reasons that anyone does one thing: the one they say, and then the real reason. Often times that the one that they say is a nobler motive. When trying to get someone to do something that you would like, appeal to these nobler motives. An example given was a man that was trying to keep a tenant from moving out early. Instead of yelling, screaming and throwing the law at the tenant, he simple wrote him a note. In the note it stated that he knew he was going to say throughout the rest of his lease because he was an honest man and a “man of his word.” This appeals to the nobler side and gives the ternate a reason (a very good reason) to stay.

Appeal to nobler motives.

Principle 11

If you are having trouble getting attention add to your ideas by illustrating through action. When I was reading this chapter I immediately thought of the classic “Miracle on 34^th Street” when they are debating the existence of Santa Clause. In the courtroom they bring in bags and bags of letters addressed to Santa. Much more of a dramatic effect and the idea had a bigger impact than just making the statement “well you know, there were over 10,000 letters addressed to Santa last year.”

Dramatize your ideas. 

Principle 12

The book offers a last resort of creating a challenge to increase productivity. If other methods have failed by creating a friendly challenge between two people you will greatly increase productivity. Carnegie states that studies have shown that the number one motivational thing in the work force is the work itself. Not the pension plan or other benefits; it is the work.  Creating competition creates additional intrigue in the work and helps productivity. 

Part 4: Be a Leader: How to Change People without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

 

Principle 1

When you need to criticize someone first start with a complement. Bu appealing to their good attributes first you make it so they want to want to listen, and they are willing to fix what you do not like. Also avoid ‘but.’ Do not begin a statement with a complement and then in the middle change it using the transition word ‘but.’ When they hear it they will negate everything they have heard in the first part of the sentence and take it as false. Simply change ‘but’ to ‘and’ and you will avoid this problem

For example:

NO: “We are really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term. But if you had worked harder on your algebra, the results would have been better.”

YES: “ We ‘re really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term, and by continuing the same conscientious efforts ext term, your algebra grade can be up with the others”

Pp200

Principle 2

Do not directly call attention to people’s mistakes. Most of the time people already know. By indirectly calling attention to their mistakes you limit their resistance to break the rule again, and you make them want to follow the rules next time. 

Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.

Principle 3

Think back on your past mistakes and bring them to light when you go to correct somebody else’s on theirs. It makes you seem less pretentions, more humble, and it makes the person you are speaking to know that they are no different from anyone else. By bringing your errors to light you will naturally diminish any resentment that may arise from the correction, and they are also more likely to fix the mistake.

Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.

Principle 4

Do not give a direct order. Make suggestions and ask questions. Let the person arrive at the conclusion himself and then together conclude that it is the best solution. When you do this it will reduce hostility that spurs from direct orders, and it also invokes creativity. With this approach people are more willing to work together and come up with several different ideas of how the problem can be best resolved.

Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

Principle 5

Le the other person save face.

Principle 6

Praise improvement. When you do this, you can see unlimited potential in a person. 

Praise the slight improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”

Principle 7

Give the other person a great reputation to live up to. When you do this you have set a high standard but also enforced to them that you know, without a doubt, that they can achieve it. With this kind of praise and belief in a person, they will easily be able to meet the standards that have been set for them.

Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.

Principle 8

Do not emphasize the fault emphasize how close they are to their goal. When you emphasize the fault a person is more likely to give up on what they are doing entirely. If you encourage them and tell them that they are close to their goal, or their faults are not as bad as they think, they are much more likely to accomplish what they set out to do.

Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.

Principle 9

Point out the good things in a task when asking someone to do something. You will not be able to win a person over every time but you can make the task less burdensome if you point out all of the good qualities for these completing these tasks, and what the benefits would be in completing them. 

Make the other person happy about things you suggest.